I’m mean, she gets OFFENDED when someone bashes STIUTK.
“They haven’t even heard the rest of Making Mirrors! They don’t even know how talented he is! They’ve only heard that one song and now they butthurt! He won, like, 4 awards last night!”
Screaming through the house, I’m so proud.
And she called me to tell me about Lamar getting his teeth pulled.
Heights
| Mother: | I want a bedtime hug! |
| Me: | *hugs* |
| Mother: | Wait, what happened? You're short! |
| Me: | What, I'm usually taller than yo– *looks down* YOU'RE WEARING SHOES!!! |
| Mother: | *evil laughs* |
She’s a huge Bourne fan, but doesn’t have anyone to see it with.
She asked me to go with her, but doesn’t think I’d want to see it.
I mean,
Why
Would I
Ever
Want to see
That movie.
Ugh I guess I can go with you why don’t you have any friends to hang out with Mom you’re such a burden GAWD!!
Language Barriers
| Mother: | It's awl ouwverr. |
| Me: | What? |
| Mother: | It's awwlll ouvver! |
| Me: | ... |
| Mother: | I'm trying to speak British. |
My Mother Is Just Awful
| Mitt Romney (on tv): | *talking about something political and adds in an awkward laugh* hehheh hehheh |
| Mother: | *accurate mocking* hehheh hehheh |
| Romney: | hehheh |
| Mother: | hehheh |
| Romney: | heh |
| Mother: | heh....hehheh |
Shoe Shopping
| Me: | Ugh, I want some creepers but I can't find any cheap enough. |
| Mother: | Tell you Aunt C. It don't matter if they creepers or sleepers, she'll buy them for you if you want them. |
| Me: | What. What was that, Homey? What kind of shoe? |
| Mother: | Sleepers. |
| Me: | Do you even know what sleepers are? |
| Mother: | Do YOU even know what sleepers are? |
| Me: | ... |
She was geeking out to a woman at Sam’s today.
Mother + Daughter
| Mother: | *walks through the door* dawwwturrrr |
| Me: | modur |
| Mother: | dawturrrrr |
| Me: | modur! |
| Mother: | daaaaaaaawtuuuuuurrr |
| Me: | muhdur muhdur muhdur muhdur muhdur |
They Don't Stay Young For Long
| Mother: | Miley Cyrus is growing up too fast. She's engaged and reading 50 Shades of Grey. |
| Me: | *closes Tumblr* |
Car Tales With Mother
| : | So I moved out of the dorm today with the help of my mother. We strapped my bike in the trunk. I tell my mother to drive slow and keeps the hazard lights on, but she does not take my advice. The trunk flies open and we have to stop on the side of the highway. |
| Me: | I told you to slow down! |
| Mother: | It's fine. |
| : | *police car drives up |
| Me: | COP COP COP I'M GOING TO JAIL!!!!! |
| : | *we explain the situation and he leaves* |
| Mother: | Cop betta be glad I ain't got my hammer on me. |
| Me: | You are gonna love Thor. |
Mah got some cool moves, y’all, so LOOK OUT.
She can’t stand my father.
She’s not inviting him over for New Year’s dinner.
It’s not funny.
But it’s hilarious!
